


Jegulus Marathon

by starshipslytherin



Series: Jegulus writing [6]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fics and ficlets, Fluff and Angst, M/M, No Jily, Originally Posted on Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 09:24:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11377296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starshipslytherin/pseuds/starshipslytherin
Summary: All the one shots and ficlets I posted onTumblrfor a Jegulus Marathon I did a while back. Most of them are fluffy, some a bit angsty, most of them are canon compliant. Edited.





	1. Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This was an ancient fic fragment I never published, but I quite liked. I edited it “a bit” because it’s perfect for this. Enjoy! :)

James pensively watched his marshmallow get browner and darker, slowly turning it. He hated how much work it was to get this tiny thing just right. And if he made two at once, the second one would get all cold and sticky until he had eaten the first one.  
“You’re burning it, stupid”, Sirius informed him, a bit annoyed because he had repeatedly burnt his mouth already. Marshmallows weren’t his strength.  
“Thanks, I wouldn’t have noticed myself”, James snapped.  
Sirius rolled his eyes dramatically and proceeded in putting as many marshmallows on his stick as possible. He was trying to beat his own record - five - and also trying to “beat” Remus, who wasn’t actually trying to compete with him, but Sirius wouldn’t believe him (“It’s just his strategy to get me to give up!”).  
James carefully took a bite of the sweet to check whether it was still too hot to eat. It wasn’t, but it tasted a tad bit charred. He didn’t really care.  
“Sirius?”, he asked. “Have you seen - have you seen your brother lately?”  
Sirius frowned at him. He didn’t answer for seconds, and finally snorted, “Unfortunately, yes.”  
James sighed inaudibly. “Look, Sirius. It’s a cold winter. He’s the only one who stayed over Christmas besides us.”  
“Why would I care?”, Sirius drawled, his eyes narrowed.  
“He didn’t go home because you wouldn’t be there, and he didn’t want to be all alone with - his parents. I’m not telling you you shouldn’t have ran away - that was the right thing to do - but there’s just this one lad suffering from it -”  
“How do you know? Did you talk to him?”, Sirius demanded sarcastically.  
“Yes, I did”, James said. “Why not? He’s a decent person.”  
“A decent person? He’s an insidious, odious -”  
“Your brother”, James hissed. “And I don’t remember you thinking of him like that when you continuously smuggled him into our dorm in our second and third year until we got in trouble for it.”  
“He changed”, Sirius snarled. “He’s just like them -”  
“He’s not!”, James blurted out fervently. “He didn’t want to go back to them because he has it as least as bad as you did now, probably much worse, and he’s got no one who cares!”  
Sirius stared at him, half taken aback, half suspicious. “You seem to have quite emotional conversations with that little fiend”, he hissed in a dangerously calm tone.  
“At least someone who doesn’t ignore him like his own brother does”, James shot back.  
“He is not my brother”, said Sirius. “And I don’t know what to think of - you fraternising with this -”  
“Merlin, Sirius, I’m not fraternising with him, don’t be ridiculous”, James groaned. “Just give him a chance. Moony and Wormtail don’t have a problem with him coming over to us for Christmas -”  
“You’ve been planning this!”, Sirius called out, turning to his other two friends, looking hurt. “You’re all so -”  
“Sirius, why don’t you just calm down, give Regulus another chance, and if he turns out to be what you think he is, you can still start despising him”, Remus suggested. “You know, because I think Prongs is right, if he was like his parents, he would’ve gone home. It’s even colder down in the dungeons.”  
“Oh, is it? Have you been there?”, Sirius muttered, his arms crossed, but he seemed to be thinking about something.  
“If you still consider him untrustworthy and evil after giving him a real chance, I promise I won’t talk to him again”, James suggested, trying to sound neutral, but something in his voice and eyes wasn’t quite right - he was hiding something. Sirius didn’t see that, however.  
“Deal”, the latter nodded.  
“But only if you actually give him a chance”, James added.  
“Yeah, you know, I’d like to believe you’re right, and you’re my best friend, so - I guess I’d be - glad - if you were right”, Sirius sighed. “I just can’t quite believe you yet.”  
“Just try”, James smiled.

“So now we’ve got everything out of the way”, James said cheerfully.  
“You’ve got nothing out of the way”, Remus corrected him. “You got Sirius to give him another chance. You didn’t tell him you’re -”  
“- shagging him?”, James suggested with a cocky grin.  
“I hope that’s not what defines your relationship”, Remus sighed.  
“Of course it’s not, but it’s quite impressive. I’m not even of age and I was the first one of us who got a go -”  
“Sirius lost his virginity when he was fourteen”, Remus informed his friend.  
“Oh gosh - you’re not talking about that one night? The common room party? Sirius actually succeeded?”  
“Yeah, he bragged about it all night”, Remus sighed. “I guess you were too drunk to remember, lucky you. Peter hasn’t forgotten it either. It quite traumatised him. Both of us, actually, but mostly him.”  
James nodded. “Anyway, back to the topic. My virginity. By the way, I don’t think Reggie was still a virgin - don’t ask me how, but it seems to run in the family.”  
“Thanks for telling me that, I really didn’t want to know”, Remus groaned.  
“Sorry.”  
“So how are you going to tell him? Sirius?”  
“I don’t know, but I guess it would be best to kind of get Reggie involved. And it’s supposed to happen after Sirius realised he’s still a lovely person.”  
“And what’s the one thing you’d better not mention at all?”, Remus asked James, sounding a lot like a kindergarten teacher trying to explain the alphabet to a tortoise.  
James shrugged.  
“Okay, you’d better not say that you two are - well, that you’re -”  
“That we’re shagging?”, James suggested.  
Remus sighed again and just nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tumblr](https://dying-for-jegulus.tumblr.com/post/162242830366/christmas)


	2. Ficlet #1 (ft. Awkward!James)

**Awkward!James for my Jegulus Marathon, enjoy!**

James didn’t know whether he was supposed to run faster or slow down when he heard the clapping footspeps behind him.

“Potter, wait!”

He went for running faster.

“Potter - James! Wait, James!”

And he did. He turned on his heel so he was facing the young Slytherin boy, who was heatedly hurrying towards him. James’s cheeks were on fire. 

Three feet in front of him, Regulus Black skidded to a halt, stopping just where James’s personal space started - oh, how he was wishing he’d come closer, but he’d already messed up too much to say this out loud, so he forced his stupid mouth to shut up. 

A smirk was playing on Regulus’s puffy red lips. “So I’m your boyfriend now? Did I miss something?”

James swallowed thickly. It had been the most stupid way possible in which he had chosen - no, in which he had _happened_ to inform him about his hopeless, naive, childish, but huge little crush on him. This was scandalous. A Black. Sirius’s little brother. But all he could come up with was, “Do you want to be?”

“Are you serious?”, Regulus asked skeptically, and certainly in surprise. James felt his heart sink, kind of, his hand wandering up to his hair, which made the Slytherin smile. 

And that smile opened up his stupid, impulsive, thoughtless Gryffindor mouth. “Yes, I mean… I just said it because it felt… I don’t know-”

“Right?”, Regulus suddenly blurted, and it was quite obvious, his pale cheeks had in fact heated up, it was quite visible. 

James just smiled. 

“You know, it felt right hearing you say it. About me”, the younger boy smiled coyly, but boldly at the same time. 

And James felt his heart rate picking up. Could this be? How many months, even years, had he pictured this, but now it was supposed to be that easy?  
Yes, yes, it could be, he told himself, because it was absolutely real.

Regulus took his hand and pulled him behind a tapestry and pressed him against the wall with his warm, lively body, and their lips met, and Merlin, was this better than he had dreamt it might be.  
And it was even real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tumblr](https://dying-for-jegulus.tumblr.com/post/162229310276/awkwardjames-for-my-jegulus-marathon-enjoy)


	3. Ficlet #2

“I didn’t know you smoked.”

Regulus whirled around, half knowing who he was about to face, and, indeed, he was confronted with James Potter’s stupid, lopsided grin. _Something he’d die for._  
He started fidgeting with the unlit cigarette he had just pulled out.

“Yeah, I don’t. Sirius gave me a half finished box so I’d man up.”

“Is it working?”, James asked in amusement, nonchalantly leaning against the wall next to the Slytherin and brushing his hand through his hair. _Merlin, Potter._

Regulus shrugged. “Haven’t tried it. Want one?” He offered the open box, half full, to the older boy, who smiled and took one.

“Me neither”, said James and lit the two cigarettes with the tip of his wand, the Slytherin’s one first.

It was dark and chill outside. Regulus inhaled bravely to warm himself up, and when James did the same, he had to cough. The younger boy laughed and slapped him on the back to make it stop.

“Honestly, you’d think you’d be used to it with all the passive smoking you go through when you’re around my brother”, Regulus snorted, still smiling.

“It’s pretty crisp, you know”, James shrugged, convinced he was being really smooth, and flung an arm around the other boy’s shoulders, pressing his body close to his. Regulus stiffened at first, but relaxed after a second. “I’ll warm you up”, breathed James.

A soft pink blush tinted both of their cheeks, but neither of them saw it when the stars hardly lit up the night sky enough for the two of them to look at each other.

“I don’t need warming up”, Regulus whispered.

“But I do”, James said softly.

Regulus beamed into his scarf and took another inhale from his cigarette. “I can live with that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tumblr](https://dying-for-jegulus.tumblr.com/post/162233856111/i-didnt-know-you-smoked-regulus-whirled)


	4. Regulus

_Regulus._   
_He looked like water. He was always flowing, moving dynamically, surrounding me like a warm current, making my skin tickle like sparkling cider._   
_Regulus._   
_Like red wine. Smelled of sweet grapes and made my head giddy, reddened my cheeks, brought so much warmth into my life, but without the terrible headache afterwards._   
_Regulus._   
_A blooming rose, lips as soft and scarlet as red petals, caressing mine, as wet as fresh dew, begging to be kissed all over again each time they stopped. Daisies, pale skin and stolen kisses._   
_Regulus._   
_Blood. The taste of iron while exploring his mouth after he had bitten the inside of his cheek. The scab on his forearms after he had scratched them open with his fingernails. Hickeys he left on my neck._   
_Regulus._   
_Tears and sobs. The salty taste of his cheeks whenever he failed to be strong. The only one who had ever seen him cry. The half-smile on my lips when he told me he realised letting go around me didn’t make him weak._   
_Regulus._   
_A childhood memory. A tap on my shoulder, a little hello, was all it took. Smuggling him up into our dorm at Christmas. Fancying him since he was thirteen. Finally knowing I had a chance._   
_Regulus._   
_My anchor. My soulmate. My star. A forgotten dream. The one who made me feel alive. The one who always cared too much when no one cared about him. The one who was always there. The one I wanted to wake up next to every single day for the rest of my life._   
_Regulus._   
_I was his and he was mine. And that wouldn’t ever change, would it? Because my Regulus and I, we were just right, then._   
_\- James_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tumblr](https://dying-for-jegulus.tumblr.com/post/162236204366/regulus-he-looked-like-water-he-was-always)


	5. Please Come Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU. Sirius found a half drowned Regulus just before it was too late. He took him in, not knowing about his past with a certain friend of his that the war destroyed, not knowing how much James would care when Regulus has been lying in bed unconscious for weeks and a he wants is to get him back.

James’s heart stopped beating for a long moment, again, as it always did whenever he had to see the pale little face, framed by now matte, once shiny dark strands of hair, sunk into the layers of pillows and covers. The tiny white nosetip was all he could really see, and when he quietly stepped closer and sat down, red lips and black eyelashes on forever closed lids completed the picture that drained him of all energy the longer he looked at it, and yet he couldn’t stop coming here. This had once been his Reggie. His. Now he was barely more than a shell, a shell whose cheeks no longer blushed at the sight of James. They were cold when James softly touched them. He wasn’t even sure if Regulus was breathing; if so, barely just so.  
A sob shook him. He tried to keep it inaudible. To suffer silently once in his life. He let his forehead drop onto the covers that were keeping him from touching Reg’s chest, hugging the cocoon as tightly as he could without feeling he was breaking the delicate creature underneath. “Come back”, he mumbled desperately into the soft material, which muffled his words. “Reggie. Come back. Please, please come back to me.”  
And he remained in this position for so long. Even though he couldn’t feel his body, James knew Reg was there, and it was the closest he’d been to him in years. And he would give anything to hear his laughter one more time, to see his sly smirk, feel his long, slender fingers in his curls, to smell him, to wake up next to him, just one last time, just once. “Oh, come back, you idiot, I can’t live without you.” James could almost hear him breathing if he listened closely.  
And then, “James?”, came a weak sound, barely a whisper, from the left. His heart skipped a beat; in no time, he was sitting upright on his chair again, watching the black lashes flutter.  
“Regulus”, he blurted, biting his lip nervously, and cupped one of the other boy’s ice cold cheeks with one hand. “Please.”  
And the eyelids, ever closed, opened, revealing those eyes, two jet black irises, shiny and ink-like as they had always been.  
James heavily swallowed a teardrop.  
“James”, Reg pressed out of his mouth again, his voice hoarse and breathy, as if he could hardly talk but did it anyway.  
“You’re back. You’re awake.” James sighed and gave Reg another hug, this time placing his forehead on the pillow right next to Reg. “I thought you’d never be. Oh Reggie.”  
“I was awake last time”, said Reg. “When you - sang.”  
James sat up so he’d be able to look at him. He ruffled his hair. “A cheesy love song.”  
“I liked it.”  
James huffed. “Why didn’t you open your eyes, then? At least?”  
“I was afraid you’d stop.”  
“I might’ve.”  
Reg turned his head slightly in James’s direction. As much as he could, at least. He said nothing.  
James sighed, propping up his head on his elbow, and swallowed. He felt as if he had a hole in his chest, but he didn’t want to cry, even though it would have been obvious to absolutely everyone that he was just about to burst into tears. “You know, right now, I can’t sleep because of you. You’re so pale. And sickly. What - what even happened to you?”  
Reg pouted. So adorably. His red little lips so puffy and probably so soft. “Talking hurts”, he mumbled. “I’ll tell you if I get a bit better.”  
“When”, James corrected sharply. “When you get better. Alright? Because - because you will. Alright, Reggie?”  
Regulus smiled weakly and blinked with heavy eyelids.  
“Because - you’ve got someone who’s there for you. Me. And there’s Sirius. We’re all so worried. Please - please don’t make us see you at the palest you can get. Don’t leave us heartbroken. Don’t - don’t leave. Please. Alright?” James’s voice broke. He tried not to cry, but he did, almost silently, but his body was trembling. And he just sat there crying for a bit. Because he knew he needed his Reggie.  
“I love you”, whispered Regulus. It was the first I love you that had been said by one of the two since the day their paths had separated them, two, maybe three years ago. The dullest, emptiest, darkest years in James’s life. He couldn’t imagine this pain lasting forever. “Jamie?”  
“And I need you”, James said, his voice shaking. “I can’t lose you again. Please stay.”  
“I’ll try.”  
“No, no”, James contradicted fervently. “You’ll make it. Alright?”  
“Alright”, Regulus whispered. And, “Jamie?”  
“Yes?”, James asked eagerly. “What is it?”  
“Can you kiss me?” His sharp Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed.  
And James kissed him. He couldn’t help it. But it was soft and careful, because Regulus was still too fragile. And all that James felt in that moment was a warm pair of lips, the only pair of lips that fit onto his just right, and Reg’s hot breath. Yes, it was there. And he stopped and gently pushed the boy’s black fringe out of his face a bit, smiled, pecked his nosetip. His heart was pounding against his rib cage. It was the first time he could feel the blood in his veins again. He was feeling alive.  
“Yes, it’s alright”, Reg breathed out, “I’m going to need more of this. All the time, until forever.”  
“Promise you’ll be with me until forever?”, James swallowed.  
“Cross my heart.”  
And James beamed, despite the pain that was still there, despite the wax-like skin under the pink blush on Reg’s face. Now he knew it would be fine. Wouldn’t it?  
He pressed another kiss to his loved one’s lips, deep, passionate, yet careful. “I love you”, he told Regulus softly. “Now sleep. Alright? And get well. I’ll wait with you until you’re asleep if you want me to.”  
“I do.”  
“Alright then.” And James straightened the covers just a bit, watching Reg, a fighter.  
“Will you be back?”, Regulus asked.  
“Always”, said James.  
And he kept watching him until he had closed his eyes again, and his breath had become slow and steady. They’d make it, together, for sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tumblr](https://dying-for-jegulus.tumblr.com/post/162241044089/please-come-back)


	6. What's Past Is Past (Isn't It?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is set in an AU where Regulus survived and Sirius just broke out of Azkaban and Regulus offered to take him in, and Harry is allowed to come.

“So”, Sirius said, a glass of red wine in one hand and a biscuit in the other, “this day was strange.”  
“It was”, Regulus confirmed. “But a good one, actually. Long lost brothers don’t often manage to break out of Azkaban.”  
Sirius nodded slowly.  
“I can’t imagine a world completely without James”, he then said abruptly. “You see, when I was in Azkaban it was sort of - I wasn’t in the same world - but now I am and I do have Remus, but there’s just - no James. That’s boring. I need Remus and James. And maybe what the rat used to be. If the rat hadn’t, you know, ratted on us -”  
“Did you really just make that pun?”, Regulus snorted.  
Sirius ignored him, seeming increasingly distressed. “Everything would be better. I’d have all of my best friends. Now there’s only one of them left. And there’s you, but you’re not like James either.”  
Regulus smiled sadly. “I can give you an impression of him”, he said. “If that helps.”  
“No, but thanks for trying.”  
Regulus took a sip of his own wine and helped himself to a biscuit, surveying his brother.  
“You know”, he finally said, “it’s not as if I don’t miss James as well, only - in quite a different way. Because I know it was I who left. But not a single day has passed without my wondering - what would have happened if I had stayed. I should have stayed -”  
“Who knows what would happen if we could change the past”, mumbled Sirius. “Maybe nothing good.”  
They remained silent for a few minutes until Regulus spoke again. “Your godson, Harry”, he asked, “is he like - like James?”  
Sirius shrugged. “He’s more polite, I think. At first glance, at least.”  
“He looks exactly like James”, Regulus said quietly. “Except for his eyes. James had hazel eyes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tumblr](https://dying-for-jegulus.tumblr.com/post/162252450563/whats-past-is-past-isnt-it)


	7. With Or Without You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Parts I & II

“Getting with Evans would be quite an achievement, y'know”, James, who had been blankly staring out of the window for almost half an hour, all but slurred.  
“I thought you liked her?”, Remus asked sharply. “I mean, if you liked her - you wouldn’t be thinking about her as an achievement. - Just saying!”, he added hotly as he noticed Sirius’s frown.  
“I think she’s hot”, James shrugged. “But -”, he paused, frowning pensively, “Yeah, I’d really like her if I didn’t have to put up with that idiot.” He sighed heavily, bitterly tossing his empty bottle back into the tray, and he didn’t notice he’d let something slip, not even when Sirius inhaled sharply.  
“What idiot?”, Peter asked tentatively.  
Sirius had crossed his arms smugly and leaned back in his seat. “I knew you’re shagging someone”, he smirked. “Who is it?”  
James snorted. “Was.” He didn’t bother reacting to the second part at all; Sirius wouldn’t have liked it anyway, and now that it was in the past, what did it matter?  
“So you liked someone else?”, Remus probed him carefully.  
“Still do”, James groaned. “Only problem is it’s become quite one-sided. So suddenly. - What in Merlin’s name -”, his voice suddenly grew remarkably louder, “for fuck’s sake, I don’t know what changed, I ruined it and I -” He trailed off in frustration. “You see”, he continued, “I think Evans and I could make it work. If we both tried. And it would still be less complicated.”  
“What’s the point in dating someone you don’t like?”, Sirius drawled. “Mate, just go, talk it through.”  
“It - is - not - that - simple!”, James spat.  
“Because you’re making it complicated”, said Remus. “Give it one more try, alright? You’ve been so - persistent - with Evans. Try one last time -”  
James howled in frustration. “But it’s been so hard -”, he rubbed his eyes under his glasses, “because - because - we’d been together for so long. No one knew. Sorry about that - but it’s just - I dunno - fucking complicated. More complicated than - than this whole love thing should be, is all.”  
“Is it worth it?”, Peter whispered. “Did it make you happier than upset, or the other way around?”  
James groaned loudly once again, and stared at the wall across from him for a long time; no one spoke. Then, finally, he jumped to his feet as though struck by lightning, and pulled out a slip of parchment and a quill, hastily spilling words all over it in his untidy excuse of a handwriting, but he couldn’t care less.  
“Be right back”, he gasped after he had finished, heading out of the compartment with the note in his trembling hand.  
“You delivering it personally, eh?”, Sirius called after him with an amused sneer, but he didn’t answer. He was intending to find Evans as quickly as possible.  
As soon as he had found the compartment, he practically barged right in, stunning the four girls that were in it playing chess in teams of two.  
“God, Potter!”, hissed Evans immediately -  
“Couldn’t you have knocked?”, Meadowes squealed -  
“Damn, Potter, are you drunk? You reek!”, McKinnon snapped.  
“Sorry, Ladies”, James panted, “not trying to bother you, Evans, I like someone else -”  
“Is that your new strategy, Potter?”, Evans sighed in exasperation. “And you came here just to tell me?”  
“No, no, hang on”, he shook his head, “I just need to borrow someone’s owl to send this out quickly -”, he held up the note, “it’s really important.”  
“Don’t you have your own owl, Potter?”, Meadowes wanted to know.  
“Yeah, but she’s, um, out”, he claimed. In reality, she was asleep in her cage, but he wouldn’t be able to use it if he wanted his letter to be opened in the first place.  
“Black’s?”, Evans suggested flatly.  
“He’s, er - asleep”, James replied, trying to hide his heart leaping out of his chest at the mention of the surname.  
“What are you up to?”, she asked coolly.  
“Sending a letter! Seriously, this is not a strategy or anything - I didn’t even ask for your owl in particular, Evans - and I told you I liked someone else -” (“Finally”, Evans muttered with an eye roll,) “- and this is urgent and I really, really need someone’s help”, he pleaded, biting his lower lip, his right had messing up his raven curls as he scratched his scalp desperately.  
“I’ll give you mine”, piped the fourth girl timidly. “Just take care of her, okay?”  
James nodded eagerly, and he felt almost sober now. “Thank you so much, Alice. I will, cross my heart. She’ll be right back.”  
She nodded smilingly, holding out her pale arm for her large brown barn owl to sit on, handing her to James, soothingly telling her she’d deliver a note for him. The owl flapped her wings, gracefully landing on James’s shoulder, and he thanked her owner again before he pulled out his quill and ink, adding a P.S. and the recipient’s name to the letter, and he tied it to the owl’s leg, opened one of the windows to his right, and set her free.  
Then, he trudged back to his compartment and barely spoke until his pocket watch showed ten minutes to three.  
He slipped out of the compartment with a queasy feeling chewing on his insides, but when he passed Evans’s compartment, he still stopped to check on Alice’s owl. McKinnon told him Alice had disappeared with Frank Longbottom a while ago, but he saw her owl sleeping contentedly in her cage, her head under her wing, so he headed off again.  
He had reached the end of the train, where the wagon was rattling particularly loudly, and stopped in front of the second to last compartment, which was usually locked, but now wasn’t; he held his breath and knocked, hoping and begging he would be answered, by the right person.

* * *

 

‘Hey Reggie. Can we talk? Second to last compartment, 3pm? It would be cool if you came, I’ll wait, but if you don’t show up, I’ll know what’s up and I swear I won’t bother you again. It would be nice if you hear me out, though. Please.

P.S. Owl’s not mine. Just let her fly, she’ll find her owner.’

He huffed and shook his head incredulously.  
“What’s up?”, Marianne demanded.  
He shrugged. “Could’ve told him no before he even wrote this”, he muttered bitterly.  
“Who?”  
“No one”, he spat. “Just some - complete arse -”  
“Your brother?”  
“Pfft. Good one. As if he cared about me nearly enough to even waste a word from his golden tongue, let alone enough of his precious time to write to me -” He snorted bitterly, kicking his trunk, which he immediately regretted due to the stinging pain that arose in his little toe.  
“You in love?”, Marianne smirked.  
Regulus rolled his eyes dramatically at her. “Why does my one friend I have have to be so nosy?” He couldn’t help but blush, though, and when he noticed, his heart sank. He had been trying so hard to forget. But maybe, just maybe, some things weren’t meant to be forgotten.  
Marianne giggled. “So you are in love. I knew it. Known it for ages. Don’t think your best friend in the world wouldn’t notice, aye?”  
“Aye”, he agreed monotonously, having unconsciously picked up the habit of naturally using that word ages ago.  
“You meetin’ up?”  
Regulus bit his lip, then nodded slowly. “I think so.”  
He opened the window, letting the barn owl fly back outside, and sank into his seat. His heart wanted to burst out of his rib cage, but he was certainly not going to let it. He sighed.

* * *

 

A dark, ink-coloured eye appeared, peering suspiciously out of the compartment, and the door was opened just enough for James to get in, then immediately slammed shut, and the lock clicked. The light was dim, but even so, Regulus’s skeptical little face was looking handsome and perfect as ever, and James swallowed, preparing to spill out everything his mind had prepared to say in the past two hours, but before he could speak, the Slytherin cut him off.  
“You’ve got five minutes. I didn’t want to come, but curiosity overwhelmed me. So? What do you want?”  
“You”, James blurted. “I want you. Need you. Reggie, I -”  
“Are you drunk?”, Regulus sighed.  
“I just had some beer a few hours ago - I’m almost sober - but I wouldn’t be telling you anything else either way -” He sank down onto a seat, exhaling shakily. “Just listen -”  
“Cut it, then”, Regulus hissed. “I don’t need any more of your lectures about - how to live my life. I’m old enough -”  
“I was worried! Alright, I fucking care about you, you goddamn idiot, I still do, but if trying to save your stinking, stubborn arse from getting yourself killed means I can’t be near you, I’ll quit complaining. I won’t say a word, not even when I’m pissed - I’ll never bring it up unless you want me to, hell, I’ll support you, I’ll do anything to help you, I’ll be there and I won’t judge you -” He trailed off at the sight of Regulus’s irritated frown.  
“You know what, James”, the latter pressed out, as though it was taking him a lot of will power, “you were right, okay? You - you were right about all of it.” He was trembling as he spoke, “But that doesn’t change the fact that it’s irreversible. And I don’t want to talk about it. And I don’t want your - pity, or your understanding or your support when I know you’re secretly loathing me - but my life isn’t that easy, alright?” Tears were gathering in his eyes now, and his voice became thick and brittle. “I was constantly - trying to be someone, and I didn’t want to end up like Sirius, even though I envy him - don’t tell him that - and I was all alone and now I need to stay alive - there’s no way out once you’re in, did you -”  
“I’d die for you”, James interrupted him firmly and abruply stood up. “And I don’t pity you. And I don’t know what I did to make you have that impression, but I certainly do not loathe you. And I - sort of - understand you. In some way. Even though it makes no sense -”  
“No, it plainly doesn’t”, the other boy spat, half suppressed sobs shaking him. “You don’t - you have no idea what it’s like to -”  
“Then help me understand. Enlighten me.”  
“I tried”, Regulus whimpered, sacking down onto a seat.  
James knelt before him, taking both of his hands in his and pleading, “Please. Tell me what to do. Just say the word. Or tell me to do nothing. Tell me to stay out of your life forever if that’s what you want -”  
“You don’t get it, do you? I’m the one who’s going to die for you. You - he’s dangerous, and I - if you’re ever in peril, all I can do is go down with you and I -”  
“If you’re ever in peril, I’ll do anything to protect the two of us, and we’ll be together, and if I fail - Reggie, hear me out. I know you’re tired of me telling you this, but I’ll dedicate my whole existence to you if that’s helping you.” James was now struggling to compose himself - seeing Regulus suffer felt like a cold fist pressing his stomach together and squeezing every bit of joy out of his heart. He brought a trembling finger up to the Slytherin’s cheek, wiping away a tear, even though the gesture had little to no effect, as his entire face was now wet and steaming hot.  
“Can we just - live our own lives but - occasionally snog?”, Regulus proposed between sobs, his delicate body shaking uncontrollably. “And - if I die - tell Sirius - I hate him - alright?”  
James snorted, got up, and pulled Regulus into a tender embrace. “We all do”, he whispered.  
“Perhaps - perhaps I’ll feel - safer when you’re around.”  
James smiled. “I’ll make you safe”, he breathed. “Whenever you need me to. No objections. Because this was the second time I realised how much I’m actually dependent of your company. It’s like you’re a drug or something -”  
Regulus muttered something into James’s shoulder.  
“Huh?”  
“As if”, he repeated more loudly. “Or, even better, stylistically speaking, as though. It’s as though I’m a drug -”  
“A very grammatically correct drug, I’d say”, James smiled wearily.  
“Promise something to me”, Regulus, who had stopped crying, although his voice was still sounding hoarse and husky, “if you find yourself in grave peril, in any sort of life threatening situation that I might manoeuvre you out of, even if it required measures that you find to be morally reprehensible -”  
“I love how you get really posh when you’re being serious”, James chuckled. “Ironic, actually -”  
“That one was extremely bad, James. - Anyway, promise you’ll let me save you, too. If necessary. Because I’d do whatever it takes to keep you with me as well. And staying alive has nothing to do with whether you agree with the measures. You’ll be able to worry about these things later.”  
James straightened his back to look properly at Regulus. “Do you?”  
“What?”  
“Agree with all that stuff?”  
Regulus huffed. “No”, he said. “I have morals, you see.”  
“But you’re also scared.”  
“Aren’t you?”  
“Sure”, James admitted. “But I have people who’d be there for me if I needed them. That’s why I want you to know I’m there for you.”  
“And that’s why I told you I’m there for you. Even if I’m not a flawless, brave Gryffindor. I’m just me.”  
“And that’s a lot”, James said.  
“It’s not.”  
“It’s my whole world.”  
“Oh, you giant sap. I’m already considering to split up with you again.”  
“So we’re a thing?”  
“Just so”, Regulus smirked. “And you’re on trial.”  
“Is that so?”  
“Aye. Just snogging. No trying to make me a saint.”  
“You, a saint? I’m not that blue eyed, Regulus.”  
The Slytherin’s smirk grew even wider. “Right, because they’re hazel.”  
“Oh, shut it”, James laughed.  
And suddenly, he found the pair of lips that he least expected to return there on his mouth, his heart was leaping with joy and love and relief, and soon, Regulus had pinned him down on the floor, straddling him, and kissing him as though his life depended on it. Which, to be fair, was quite likely to be the truth. And he was not going to give up on it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: [Part I](https://dying-for-jegulus.tumblr.com/post/162227821423/with-or-without-you-pt-i) | [Part II](https://dying-for-jegulus.tumblr.com/post/162232835350/with-or-without-you-pt-ii)


End file.
